Mick Hartley

Zombie Chickens

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Mick Hartley

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Just watched some of Dispatches on Supermarket Secrets – “what price are we paying for the homogenised, cheap and convenient food that supermarkets specialise in?” It didn’t say anything much we didn’t know, but its shots of battery chickens made me think…

In a sense, a chicken’s genetic code provides a recipe for producing chicken breasts, chicken thighs, etc., ie the stuff we want from chickens, and what makes us keep millions of the poor little buggers in sheds for all of their short miserable lives. We’re in the process of unravelling genetic codes and how they work. Is it reasonable to think that we might be able to produce these breasts and thighs directly, as it were? That is, without bothering with the actual chicken?

What’s missing of course – the other essential ingredient in the recipe – is the nurture: the actual growth and development of the chicken. So look at it another way: what if we could breed a chicken without any higher mental functions whatsoever, with just enough neural activity to get it to eat and sleep and keep itself healthy? Do away with any social stuff, all the sex, the ability to search for food, find a mate, bring up young ones: basically a completely brainless chicken just capable of breathing and eating. Wouldn’t even need feathers. So… if we get to that stage and farm these zombie chicks, is that a moral advance, because the chickens can’t really be said to suffer and we can roast our chickens with an easy conscience (and cheaply), or a moral outrage, because we’ve tampered with life and created monsters?

Comments

  1. Mr. Crabby Pants Avatar
    Mr. Crabby Pants

    I’d love that, if only to see the Greens rolling around and foaming at the mouth. The real danger, of course, is that they could do the same with a goose and make “cruelty”-free foie gras. The Greens would have to think of a new reason to object to it, and they’d never hear the end of Dr. J’s bear-baiting quip.
    They could also replace the rank-and-file Greens themselves with creatures like that. How much brains does it take to shamble around holding a sign? About as much as it takes to lay eggs in a cage. In the old days, you’d have wanted zombies for that job, but modern technology offers an even better alternative: Zombies may not smell as bad as Greens, but brain-free genetically-engineered sign-carrier organisms could potentially smell better than either.
    This could be BIG!

    Reply
  2. Solomon Avatar
    Solomon

    If only Mike had been able to reproduce.
    http://www.miketheheadlesschicken.org/

    Reply
  3. PooterGeek Avatar
    PooterGeek

    Today is the last day I can still call myself a genome scientist so I should take this opportunity to point out that Mick’s excellent idea has already been investigated. Although we do have the chicken genome, the approach is far simpler than genetically engineering a “sub-chicken”.
    NASA commissioned research into how meat could be cultured in vats en route to Mars. The principle is simple: a biopsy of, say, chicken breast tissue is transferred to a matrix and the matrix is suspended in a nutrient medium. With the right combination of conditions the chicken’s cells can grow outside their original host for some time. Mechanical forces need to be applied to the cultures to encourage the tissue to grow in the right orientations and form a structure with a pleasing consistency.
    Mr Crabby Pants might be interested to read that the vegetarian daughter of one of the researchers involved proposed to her father that he take a biopsy of her own muscle tissue and grow it in the same culture medium so that she could eat meat with a clear conscience.

    Reply
  4. Mick H Avatar
    Mick H

    Hmm, interesting. I like that bit about mechanical forces needing to be applied….visions of suspended chicken legs running on the spot to give the right tone to the thigh muscles.

    Reply
  5. Mr. Crabby Pants Avatar
    Mr. Crabby Pants

    PG, I’ve seen that one in science-fiction novels, but hadn’t known we might be closing in on it in real life. Did they get anywhere with it? It’s a fantastic idea, the vat thing. I envision the mechanical forces as something more like a taffy-pulling machine, with skeins of flesh, but you’d still need bones to make stock of course. Throw in some fresh herbs from the hydroponic atmosphere plant, and you’re in business. Except for wine. Tough to get it through liftoff intact, I’d imagine.
    As for the guy’s daughter… Ugh! I suppose it tastes like chicken, though. Or Spam.

    Reply
  6. PooterGeek Avatar
    PooterGeek

    Did they get anywhere with it?
    The main problem, if I remember correctly, was keeping the chicken cells alive outside their original host for a reasonable length of time. I read about it in New Scientist, I think, months ago. I’m pretty sure they hadn’t tried the “eat-your-own-flesh” variant at that stage.

    Reply

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