publican base: religious fundamentalists, fervent believers in America’s unilateralist destiny and culturally conservative.
There are the intelligent decent people – mildly progressive, hey that’s just like us! – who vote Democrat, and then there are the hordes of religious junk-food-guzzling morons, with pea brains and huge arses, most of them inbred, who vote Republican. After careful consideration the Observer decides that it prefers the former.
There’s further good news:
Kerry immeasurably improves our chances of defeating terrorism and making the world safer.
This, one gathers in the absence of much in the way of argument, will be in part because he’s nicer, and one of the key elements in defeating terrorism is to be nice, but mainly because he’ll cooperate with international organisations like the UN. This is obviously the sensible way to do things. He’ll let himself be guided by wiser heads, like the French, and won’t imagine, like that idiot Bush along with poodle Blair, that defying Security Council resolutions actually requires that some action be taken. If we’d listened to the French we could be adding Iraq to that long list of UN triumphs like Bosnia and Rwanda. We’d probably be up to Resolution, oooh three thousand and something by now, telling Saddam that we were really really getting angry now – and boy, you don’t want to mess with Kofi Annan when he’s in a mean mood.
Luckily we’re already seeing this sensible approach when it comes to Sudan. Passing strongly-worded resolutions in the Security Council, that’s the way to behave appropriately on the international stage. Then, when nothing happens, pass even more strongly-worded resolutions. Keep doing this until the problem is over. Then – and I imagine plans are already in place here – commission an enquiry to see what we can take away from this, because it’s terribly important that we “learn the lessons of Darfur”. Never again can we allow this sort of thing to happen. Maybe also try to establish how many tens of thousands were murdered and how many millions displaced. Possibly a monument could be built somewhere; you know, tastefully done, some sort of competition drawing in all the leading architects, so that the victims of Darfur will never be forgotten. It’s the least we can do for those poor people. Really.
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