The King and Di

she was that fateful evening at Kensington Palace when she encountered Diana escorting one of her “men friends” from the premises. The doughty elderly lady stated her opinions forcefully, at which Diana gave voice to some…..well to some things, some things perhaps best left unsaid, cruel hurtful horrible things, about dear Georgie, and about Eddie as well…..horrible horrible unforgiveable things. Well, it was short work to do what had to be done, for the sake of the family, and the future of the Windsors. A couple of gin and tonics and a phone call later, and it was all decided: the wheels had been set in motion which would lead inexorably to that fatal encounter in the tunnel beneath the Seine.

A convincing scenario, certainly, but it has to be said that many now believe that this is in fact a story put about by Prince Charles, to cover his own guilt, and in the belief that what with the old dear dead it was hardly going to matter to her if she was fingered in this way.

But we have moved on since then. Now, those like myself who have made a deep study of this whole sordid business have come to the inescapable conclusion that it was in fact the French who were responsible. You’re not really surprised, are you? The reasons for this are too complex, and frankly too explosive, to divulge here, but I am prepared, for a small consideration – no, make that a large consideration – to provide details on an individual basis to those with sufficient interest, and sufficient funds.

Prince Charles had become aware of this development, and was the driving force behind the setting up of this latest enquiry, in the hope that his name would at last be cleared. He may also have felt that for a moment, when it was seriously being considered that he might have personally authorised and planned Diana’s death, people might come to sort of respect him in a vague sort of way as not such a useless prat after all, but someone with, you know, a bit of fire-in-the-belly type of thingy.

Alas the Queen got to hear of this. (How? She’s the Queen, she hears everything, God bless ‘er.) And she decided that this was a good opportunity to make sure that the useless great pillock along with that ghastly Camilla would never, ever, be King and Queen. She determined that the enquiry would damn Charles; that his goose would be well and truly cooked.

The government, however, are very unlikely to allow this to happen. Relations with France are critical, and Blair has spent considerable time cosying up to Charles and is certainly not about to see all that work go up in smoke.

So, expect a whitewash.